Who Am I To Say?
by housefan1
Summary: What happens when you lose out? Major Character Death


**Who Am I To Say?**

* This story just popped into my head and I had to write it. I know i already have an unfinished strory but right know i have writers block and just to come up with this was great! lol! Enjoy. The song that is best to listen to with this is Who Am I To Say by hope. Very beautiful*

WARNING: Major Character Death!

Will walked slowly into his darkened empty apartment, the door knob feeling like ice beneathe his barely gripping hand. He could feel the cold of the air conditioned apartment as he slowly walked into the depressingly empty apartment. As he shut the door slowly behind him he could feel the weight of the day trying his cool reserve. He could hear his tears hit the hardwood floor under his feet as his head hung low. He could feel his body heave and fall to the ground with a thump. He could feel his heart break with every memeory of her cold body laying in the auditorium. The lights from the stage shinning on her lifeless body like they had done so many times before. His fist meet the hard flooring with a loud angry thump as he was reminded the sound of what her beating heart sounded like when it had stopped and the loud siren type noise that took its place as nurses and doctors stormed inside her room. He could still see her lifeless form laying upon the bed as the doctors did their best to pump her chest. He could feel the anger boil in him at the memeory of how the nurses had told him to leave... and the words that fell from the doctor's tired mouth that Rachel was gone.

Will let out a loud hurt scream like one a wounded animal would make as his head hit the floor, and his body heaved with the racks of tears that came from his tired eyes. Rachel Berry was gone and she wasn't coming back. The thought had hit him like a ton of bricks as he shut his eyes tight and grabbed his head in his shaking hands, the blood still stained his weary palms and fingertips, his shirt smelled of her vanilla perfume, and was tainted with the smell and stains of her blood.

***Flashback***

"Rachel this can't keep going on like this?" Will said in an annoyed yet concerned voice as he watched Rachel's depressed form sit lonely in the dark classroom.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel replied as she worriedly pulled the sleeve of her shirt down to her palms.

Will walked forward and pulled her arm to him, as he raised her sleeve he could see the swollen red cuts. Rachel pulled viciously away and tried to walk away, only for Will to stop in front of her, trapping her in her spot.

"Rachel...hurting yourself will not make the pain go away. Adding pain to ease pain only hurts you more. Cutting is not the solution."

"Yeah, then tell me what will? They're dead...they're never coming back." Rachel screamed in frustration at the oblivious man in front of her.

"Would they want you to hurt yourself to remember them. It was a car accident Rachel...there was nothing you could have done." Will tried to reason only to be cut off by Rachel's crying screams.

"They asked me to go...I should have gone... I should have died with them. It should have been me... no one would have missed me...i'm a no body and everyone knows it. They had too much to give."

Will instantly broke down into tears as he watched the young woman in front of him destroy herself. Suddenly Rachel pushed him to the side and ran from the room and away from the school.

***Flashback ended***

Will pulled himself off the floor lond enough to walk into his room and rip the blooddy shirt from his body. He could feel and see her red blood on his hands,How ironic he thought and in a mad dash he ran to the bathroom to wash the red stains from his trembling hands as he continued to cry with anger.

He could still feel the sticky feel to them no matter how much he washed them, he could feel the memory of her weak pulse, the flow of her blood over his hands as he tried to lift her from the cold stage. In anger he viciously threw the bar of soap at the glass mirror in his bathroom, he could hear the shards of glass shatter everywhere as he walked from the bathroom to his awaiting bed room. He fell into the bed and closed his eyes wishing the memories to dissapear as easily as she had from his life.

***Flashback***

Will knocked on the heavy wood door to Rachel's house, he waited with baited breathe as he waited for Rachel to answer the. When she did his breathe was taken away at the site of her pajama clad body. The look of comfortable made her more beautiful to him than when she opted to wear designer dresses and short skirts. But he was reminded at how uncomfortable and how uncarefree she really was as he looked to see a poorly hidden red scar upon her milky wrist.

"What do you want?" Rachel asked as she self consciensely hugged her small frame.

"I... just wanted to say that...though this isn't the right time that...I care for you Rachel...as a friend and as an educator. But as both it is my job that no harm should come to you. Not even when you do it to yourself." Will replied as he watched her shift uncomfortably from foot to foot.

Rachel looked into Will's eyes as she felt her's well with tears. "I think you should leave Will. Let's not pretend that you actually like me. No one does, you never paid me attention before when I was in distress, but now you feel that because you know what I am doing then morally it will ease your conscience if something happens to me. Don't worry Will I am hurting myself, I don't need the satisfaction of your guilt" Rachel said as she shut the door on Will's shocked and hurt expression.

***End Flashback***

Will felt the tears roll down his face as he stared at the ceiling above him, the blaring neon light of his alarm clock was streaked upon the white ceiling above him. He could feel his heart beat in his chest and wish he could feel it beat in hers as well. But he knew that it would never beat again in her tiny tired body. He always knew Rachel was meant for a better life than Lima, but now she will never experience anything and this hurt him the most. She would never feel the touch of his hands against hers, the summer breeze of a New York park,the warmth of the sun in the dead of winter as she walked a New York street, she will never hear the words I Love You fall from his lips. She will never. Will shut his eyes at the thought and turned over to stare at the picture of a smiling Rachel and him at Nationals when they had won.

She would never know that he kept that framed picture of them together by his bedside, and had cherished it, had cherished her.

***Flashback***

Will searched frantically for Rachel when the principal had informed him that she had not gone to any of her classes that day but was spotted in the school. He feared the worst as he searched the school, opting to search the auditorium before he left to go to her home. Upon opening the door he saw no Rachel Berry, but something drew him deeper into the auditorium. As he walked closer to the stage he could feel his heart stop. Rachel's body lay limply on the stage, the stage lights washed over her tiny frame. Will rushed to the stage and to her side to see her wrists cut and the blood flow over the hardwood flooring.

"Rachel..Rachel honey stay with me." Will screamed as he tried to wake her pale form.

Rachel opened her eyes weakly as she felt her body fade away, she smiled at Will and whispered with tears in her eyes.

"I did love you."

Will could only cry as he shook his head, "Don't talk like that your going to be ok just stay with me Rach."

Will picked her small frame from teh floor and rushed her to the nurses office where the ambulance was called.

When the ambulance had arrived Will followed the ambulance to the hospital, determined to not leave her side until he knew she was ok. But he soon realised he was determined to never leave her side ever again.

Will felt his mind shut down when he saw the doctor come from the now quiet room, he saw the look of regret upon the doctors face as he informed Will that Rachel had passed away and there was nothing they could do. Will could feel his body walk to his car on autopilot as he left the hospital.

***End Flashback***

As Will cried himself to sleep he could feel Rachel's presence in the room with him and he could hear the words "I love you" fall from his dry lips as sleep took over his defated body and darkness covered his defeated soul.

*This in my opinon was one of my most darkest writtings. I am very proud of it and reviews are very much appreciated. Please tell me what you think and make sure to check out the song that had inspired me. It's called Who Am I to Say by hope and it can be found on youtube.* Thanks*


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